MARCH 22, 1996 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 9

SPEAK OUT

Spouse-bashing is violence, too-don't look the other way

by Susan Kane

When gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people think of violence, we usually imagine a baseball bat coming out of some dark alley one night as we leave the bar. But there's another kind of violence in our communities, and it has nothing to do with drunk straight people.

The recent arrest of Claridon Township Trustee Mary Briggs, who is a candidate for Geauga County commissioner, on charges of domestic violence against her lover Elisabeth Berrey, gives us all the unfortunate opportunity to look at a serious problem that some of us would rather keep quiet. Berrey and Briggs were wellknown to the Cleveland area lesbian community, hosting many gatherings over the years at their Claridon-Troy Rd. home.

Because we are a small community living under attack, it's incredibly hard for us to air our dirty laundry-even with each other. Although in this case, the system worked, often because of the ignorance of those around us, we fear using the systems that others use for help.

We're afraid to call the police because they might turn out to be homophobes, afraid to bring a case to trial because of biased judges and juries. Afraid of publicity, because having our name in the paper could endanger our jobs, our kids, our lives. A lot of us also don't want our friends to know that it's really gotten this bad, that our relationships are not perfect, that we're not as strong or together as we're pretending to be.

And unlike the big, bad men who batter women "out there" in the "real" world, the women and men who are having trouble with violence in our communities are of-

ten known to us. We may know a lot about their history and relationships, about the roots of their fear and pain. We may care about them, and be deeply concerned for them. We don't want them in prison, we want them to get help.

When you are friends with both people in a violent relationship, things get complicated. It's hard to remember and keep

track of who started

what, hard to know exactly when a relationship that "had its problems" took a turn and crossed over the line. It's

hard sometimes to tell the difference between teasing

will be a haven for us in a hostile world.

Queer and endangered people of all kinds rely on their communities for strength and sustenance. Like any family, we fear to cast out one of our own-to withdraw the support of the gay community from someone is rightly regarded as a very serious measure. Without the love

It's time to send a clear

message to our friends who have problems with violence: you are welcome here; your behavior is not.

and roughhousing, and abuse. Sometimes people lie, and sometimes we would all like to believe that this is not happening, that it's not really as bad as it seems. It's very hard for most to know for sure when a a friend might be in danger. We don't want to be nosy. We don't want to tell people what to do. We don't want to "interfere." We don't want to accuse.

On the other hand, whatever discomfort we feel in confronting a friend who may be violent or in a violent relationship, it is nothing compared to the pain and shame we are all going to feel if one of our sisters or brothers ends up dead. It's really that simple. Battering in a relationship does not go away when you ignore it—it usually gets worse. If, as a people, we demand that the larger society value our lives and protect our right to be free from fear, we cannot ask less of our own friends and lovers, of a small community that we hope

and support of our friends and chosen "family," we would all be very, very alone. We know too, that people don't heal in prison, that punishment and isolation do not nurture someone's soul. Everyone needs connection and commu-

nity to stay sane. None of us wants to turn our backs on a friend just because she is struggling, because he has sorrow or pain.

At the same time, none of us should stand by when someone we know is beating up or beating down their lover. Men and women with a history of violence and intimidation in our community must take responsibility for their behavior. We must do whatever we reasonably can to prevent them from taking out their personal problems on the bodies of our friends.

Do not let this happen in front of you. With the infamous gay gossip network hard at work in most of our lives, your business is my business more often than not. This is one place where the grapevine works admirably. Unlike the latest dish on what someone was wearing last night, domestic violence is not a private matter, but an appropriate place for community support, intervention, and concern.

Candidate arrested for domestic violence

Continued from page 1

logical family approached Briggs about seeking help for substance abuse problems. Briggs denied the problems, and according to Berrey, that's when the cycle of abuse began.

"At that time, I knew I really needed to get out of the house," Berrey said. “I made arrangements to take a few of my things and essentially spend nights away.” Berrey testified in court that it was at this time that she became fearful of Briggs, and that if she needed to come back to the house, she would always try to bring someone with her. Often, Briggs would be there.

Berrey became increasingly concerned when friends began relating stories of Briggs' past aggressive and violent behavior. When one friend warned her, "Don't be surprised if she torches the place," she decided to go back to the house to retreive some items that held great sentimental value.

"Prior to that, I had taken out my children's baby books and family pictures, but all of my children's toys were still there and their baby blankets and things like that, so I made arrangements with three other people to go out there with me during a work day. I was actually hoping that Mary would not be there so we wouldn't have to encounter one another, but she was, and the whole time I was there she was very aggressive towards me.'

The situation came to a head when Berrey attempted to remove a picture from the wall that Briggs claimed belonged to her. It was at that point, Berrey claims, that Briggs became physically violent.

“I was wearing a chain and a necklace,” Berrey said. She grabbed them both, squeezed them tightly around my neck and said, “These are mine, give them back.” It's not as if she were pulling on them, they were squeezed tightly around my neck. In some ways, it felt like she was out of control and couldn't stop herself, and in other ways it felt like she knew just how far she could go.'

Briggs paints a very different picture of the day's events, claiming that the jewelry Berrey was wearing as well as the painting belonged to her. "I noticed that [Berrey] was wearing

two pieces of my jewelry and I asked her to please leave them. I gestured to them with my hand, but I never choked her," Briggs said. "I'ma strong woman," she added, "but I would never resort to violence."

Sheriff's deputies arrived on the scene after a friend that came to help Berrey move called 911, and took statements and photos of Berrey's wrists and neck.

At the March 6 court appearance, Chardon Municipal Judge Craig Albert ordered Briggs to vacate the house and told her to stay away until the real estate partnership could be dissolved.

Briggs maintains her innocence, saying that the whole incident stems from her run for the county commissioner seat.

"I've never had a history of domestic violence," she said. “I'm an advocate against domestic violence. I was totally absorbed and not home at all. I told Elizabeth last fall, that this was one of the most important things to me-actualizing a dream. If I ever dreamed that anyone would go after me, I thought it would be a political opponent."

Briggs said that she continues to have the support of the two other township trustees, but it remains to be seen how her campaign for county commissioner might be affected.

"My political opponent and I had a meeting to keep this an issue-based campaign and I will continue to do that." Briggs will oppose incumbent Republican Neil Hofstetter on the November ballot. "It's a heck of a way to get name recognition," she said.

Contrary to everything that's been said recently in the media, Berrey maintains that she has no interest in interfering with Briggs' run for public office. “I didn't get myself choked so this would happen," she said. "The sherriff came, they saw what happened, and they are the ones that pressed the charges."

Berrey said that she never intended to publicly out Briggs, but needed to be specific with Judge Craig Albert in order to get a protection order.

"On the arraignment day, the judge was convinced that I needed a protection order but wasn't sure that he could apply the law because this was the first time he had dealt with

a same-sex couple," Berrey said. "He needed to understand the nature of our relationship, and Mary kept trying to make it sound as if we were 'just friends.' Mary kept trying to keep me from getting the protection order by claiming that there was no basis in law for me to have it. That day there were all these students there— there are all these young people sitting there learning about lesbians and learning that lesbians hurt each other. If I could have not come out in front of this packed courtroom, believe me, I would not have."

Briggs said that she was not trying to protect any closet by denying there was a lesbian relationship with Berrey. “I have not been involved with Elizabeth for a number of years. We were still partners, but that didn't include intimate relations. And honestly, I live in a conservative county. But I did not dispute the fact that we were living in the same house," Briggs said.

A motion for a modification of the protection order was denied on March 14 in Chardon Municipal Court. The court will decide March 25 whether to take the matter to trial. The protection order has been extended until March 31, at which time Briggs will be able to re-enter the Claridon Township home.

Berrey says that she continues to fear for her safety, and that the whole incident has been extremely upsetting.

"It's been very painful," Berrey said, “and it's scary as hell. But I know it's also very painful for this woman that I really loved well to be so out of control, and so intent on harming me and needing to lie about me to the public media," Berrey added, choking back tears.

"I'm losing the place, I've lost my love, and that's where it is. I'm trying to move -it's tough and I don't know ifI am yet― but I'm trying to move in that direction." "I hold no malice for Elizabeth," Briggs said. "I'm very sad that she had to resort to this to get attention. She's the person I trusted most in this world. She was my best friend and my partner. “I really feel set up."

As far as her campaign goes, “To thine own self be true," Briggs said, "and that's the attitude I'm taking." ✔

It's time to send a clear message to our friends who have problems with violence: you are welcome here; your behavior is not. Violence and battering in this community will not be tolerated. We will not accept it, we will not sanction it, we will not excuse it. We will not help you to pretend that something else is going on. We will not protect you, and we will not lie for you. We care about you, we want to stand with you, and we want you to get help. But get it together, people-or get

out.

Truth is beauty.

CAFE

1175 North High St. Columbus, Ohio 43201 (614) 421-cafe

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